hey
hey everyone! I just wanted to invite people to go to hi5.com to see Who's in. Its a great place to meet people and to chat or comment on different topics.

Kissing List
Mood:  chatty
Does anyone have a "Kissing List?" I mean, a list of people that you know on an almost personal level that you would kiss. My friends and I do, but I'm not comfortable sharing the whole list with some of them. You know that girl I talked about in an earlier entry? She's the main reason. If I let on that I like someone, she will like the same person and flirt with that person at least two days after I tell her. I realize that she has every right to flirt with him and to ask him out, but it is not "friend etiquette(sp)." If a friend tells me that they like someone, I try not to develop a crush on that person, and if I do, then I try not to make any contact until I forget him or she forgets him. But a friend doesn't go after a potential boyfriend of another friend!

Anyway, this list consists of a various array of guys at my school; from the most popular to the not so straight guys.

So if this is weird, tell me. And all of you guys that read this, what do you look for or like in a girl? A lot of girls want to know.

Whatever
Mood:  a-ok
Okay, so since no one wants to respond to what I want to talk about, why don't any of you comment on what you want to discuss. If this doesn't work, then its back to my own boring discussions.

Spring Break
Mood:  incredulous
This week is Spring Break!!! I'm so excited! I get to go to Key West, but I've never been on a plane. Anyway, I can't believe that it will happen!!

So, last time, I talked about a guy that I like. Yes, I still like him. But, my friend, the one I talked about, said that we have nothing in common. She said that he's quiet and that he has no interests. Ha!! How much does she know anyway? Its not like she truly ever liked anyone for their interests!! Only their looks. Kinda pathetic. I mean, she told me one day that she only goes after guys for their bodies and for... well, you know. She said that what they're interested in or what they like is of no importance to her!! That is so horrible, and its no wonder that she has never had a guy to ask her out. I know I shouldn't talk about my friend like that, but sometimes I just have to get things off my chest.

Anyway, the guy wasn't at school today; he took his skip-day. Is it wrong to stare? I mean, I can't stop thinking about him!! And, in class, I don't have anything else to look at (except the floor) because he's virtually the only guy in the class (at least the only one who likes girls). Should I just get over what my "friend" said today? I keep thinking that she wasn't dissing him, but that she was dissing me, and when I get that feeling, I can't forgive and forget! Anyway, should I just give up on her ever accepting that I can get a guy, any guy that I want (except Johnny Depp)? Or, should I keep forging on with her at my side, saying that it won't work?

I can't do that. Its not me. I'll have to shut her up.

Confused
Mood:  not sure
Does anyone out there have a crush on a guy or girl? I mean, not really a crush, just a potential crush? Is there even such a thing? Anyway, I like this guy in one of my classes. But I think that one of my friends likes him too. She talks to him all of the time, and talks about him all of the time... Most people would tell me to let things alone, to see how everything worked out, but I'm not that patient.

Its weird. This friend has a "habit" of liking the same guys as me. I can tell her that I have a thing for a guy, and two days later, she's bugging him in the halls, flirting, and even asking for phone numbers!! I get so mad, but I get over it when I get over the guy. But this time, I don't want to let her win. Is that a bad thing? I know that I'm not being selfish, but I don't see myself as the type of person to fight with a friend over... of all things... a guy! But, be that as it may, I want to win one for the home team. Its my turn now. Anyone who knows me can tell the story about M. and how she called him almost every night for three weeks until I told her that I was over him. Here's the catch... I lied. Its not as terrible as that now, but I never tell her that I'm crushing on anyone anymore.

Anyway, I'm extremely shy when it comes to guys that I like, so I haven't talked to this guy alone, one-on-one. If I did, I wouldn't know what to say anyway. I would invite him to sit at my lunch table, but 'she' sits there, and it would be very obvious that I like him. And, I'm very insecure. What if he says no? What if he says yes, and then I throw up in his lap? Okay, I'm not THAT insecure, but I can't get the 'what ifs' out of my mind. There are a few good signs, like he watches me in class sometimes (I feel someone watching me, and I look up quickly to see who it is), and he waves at me after school, but (here goes) what if he's just being nice? I couldn't stand a 'nice' rejection.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. Somebody give me some advice!!!

'Stupid' of the Month
Mood:  chillin'
So, my favorite new song is You Had a Bad Day by (I think) Daniel Powter. Anyway, its about having a bad day (duh), but it really helps a person feel better.

Anyway, last night I volunteered at this diversity celebration at a local college. I met this guy named Chris, and let me tell all of you, he was HOT!
I mean, if anyone thinks Ryan Phillipe is hot, you would DIE if you saw this guy. So he asks me for my number. Okay, you say, why not? He's hot, pretty nice, CLEAN,...and twenty-nine years old. Almost ten years older than me. My life sucks.

Okay, so its not all that bad, but last night, I wished I were ten years older. I mean it...Ryan Phillipe!

So for any bored patrons out there, here is my stupid person for the month. Did anyone hear the story about the Homeland Security guy? He was caught trying to have internet sex with a fourteen year old girl. The worst part...he wasn't talking to a fourteen year old girl. It was an undercover cop. And he told her his name, where he worked, and even sent pictures!!! He was just ASKING to get caught. Oh, and he had phone conversations with the cop, too. How could he not tell? So, that's my 'Stupid' of the Month.

To wrap it all up, I just want to sound my support to those who are involved in the Women's Rights Marches and Rape/Violence Protests. I saw a march last night at the college, and I was especially happy to see quite a few men marching along side women.

Obviously
Mood:  down
Well, this is my third day and I thought that at least my friends would look at the site. I guess I was wrong. I am thoroughly TICKED OFF!!! As if anyone couldn't tell. You know this is a way for me to express myself, and to let others express themselves, but if what I have to talk about is boring or stupid, please tell me!!

Anyway, if anyone is listening, then, please read this for what its worth. If you are my friend, and you don't care enough to ask me what is going on and what I am doing, then KEEP AWAY!!

Well, now that that's out of the way, down to business. I went to a diversity celebration today and even though it was completely boring in most ways, I did see a few interesting things.
1) A guy in a tiara: maybe not that uncommon nowadays
2) A pregnant woman in an almost-belly shirt: self-explanitory
3) An anti-rape/women's rights march/rally: completely cool and totally on point

Anyway, tell me (if you care) how you feel about these issues.

"Vent Your Anger Day"
Mood:  irritated
Okay, so I feel like I'm about to drop dead. The time change and lack of sleep is killing me! Why can't everything stay the same? No time change at all, no growing up, no getting a job...

So I sound like Peter Pan, so what? Can anyone blame me?

So anyway, one of my friends got mad at me today. It wasn't anything I did, he was just in a bad mood. I asked him if he felt okay, and he said, "God, I don't feel okay! Why are you so stupid?!" So, like any normal person, I got mad. He tried to apologize, but I wasn't ready to forgive.

Friends don't act like that!!!

Today can be "Vent Your Anger Day," so if anyone needs to get something off their chest, feel free(keep it clean).


P.S. To any of my friends who don't check their emails often...You guys SUCK!

Just kidding (sarcasm).

Lonliness and Deadlines
Mood:  don't ask
Does anyone else feel scared about being eighteen, going out in the world, being on your own, having to pay for everything yourself?

Okay, it won't be that bad, but I can't help wondering if I'll be able to take care of myself. I'm going to college in the fall, at least five hours away from home. The kicker is that I only know two or three people that will be at the same place as me. I'll be alone.

Utterly, unbelievably alone.

That will not leave my thoughts. What will I do, who will I talk to?

...

Has anyone else had as many problems with deadlines as I have? I can't seem to get anything finished on time! I try to keep up with dates, homework, concert times, and other personal ventures, but I can't remember to finish filling out the stupid applications for scholarships on time!

...

Any comments? Suggestions?